Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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