I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize