still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
