Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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