theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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