my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
