it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
