Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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