so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
