my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
