he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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