i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
