Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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