I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry about my life...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
