Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
