sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I touched a dick in church today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
