Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
