I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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