my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
