K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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