so that wasnt chicken after all
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
