dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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