So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
