he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
