Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
