Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am one with the molecules
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
