...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize