Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
