dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
