dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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