You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
