you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
