remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize