Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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