Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
