There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
