she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize