you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
