hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
