my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
