So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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