Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
