Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize