i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize