You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
