i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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