if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
