She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
