I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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