Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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