Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
