It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
