i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
