If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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