The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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