Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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