i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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