But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
