you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
