I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
