I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
two words...techno handjob
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
