Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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