You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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