dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
