I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
