I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Damn victory sex feels great
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