if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
