So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
