We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
