He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
