I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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