You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
