you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
